I had it all planned. I’d imagined every campground stay, and fantasized about bounding out of the RV after a 5-6 hour drive ready to pump up my inflatable paddle board or go on a two mile hike through whatever terrain we were at, all the while taking photos of our “Great Outdoor Adventures” to filter and share later. Boondocking was the real prize - a place to legally camp for free, out in nature, away from people and technology. Look at us, roughing it in comfort and style!
The five days it took to drive from Todos Santos to San Diego began with a broken starter and ended with a lost cat*. In between, it was actually pretty uneventful, with moments of humor when I dozed off and my partner took a turn off the highway to a destination we had decided to skip (Bahia de Los Angeles; Campo Archelon is one of our favorite places), and deep breathes of relief when we found a gas station just before we ran out of gas.
Further incidents as we traveled from San Diego to South Dakota:
angry trucker honking at a bewildered us, until about 20 minutes later we saw that our overcab hatch had flown open and was broken, threatening to litter the highway further
discovering that google maps was about 3-4 hours off from my calculations and we were not going to get to our destinations without an extra day
overheating in construction traffic less than a quarter mile from a rest stop in Utah (we thought it was our radiator, but discovered it was an alternator/ignition module issue much later)
discovering that our grey/black water tank has a leak
the regulator on the propane tank broke and so propane leak, which smells like soiled diapers (for good reason)
water heater busted and is no longer functional (we’ve been boiling our dishwater since and I’m pretty sure I went 4 days without a shower until we got savvy to getting a campground membership)
the alternator died
ignition module melted
there was a bit of a leak in the overcab hatch - we discovered when we spent the night at my sister’s in Montana and it rained all night (thankfully we were comfortably ensconced in her cosy soft guest bed)
my partner got sick, then I did - both some kind of cold that took us longer to shake than usual
I got a horrifically painful toothache that warranted an ER visit which awarded me antibiotics and narcotics and rendered me sedated for a two days until I decided to stop taking them
the propane leak left me feeling off until we sort of fixed it - now we just turn it on when we need to use it
the oven doesn’t seem to work - which for most wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but I am a former, culinarily trained, professional baker who loves to bake and was mastering the art of RV oven baking in our other RV, and I planned to bake, dammit!
(It is probably important to add that our camper is a ‘79 Ford Chateau.)
On top of all this, was this feeling something akin to existential angst that I just couldn’t seem to shake, but seemed to lift while camping with my 16-year old a week ago (when the alternator decided to die). Littered in there was probably just a bit of self-pity for good measure. I’m not above self-pity.
The excitement I’d had when I’d purchased the camper last year (my first home! that I owned myself! paid in full!) had fizzled into a slough of regret and suddenly I was agreeing with my partner that we sell it when we return from our travels and just take our big rig everywhere (we do like it much better).
All those things I had planned and fantasized about - the hikes, the paddle boarding, the waking up and doing yoga outside the camper, baking…well, we’ve gone on one hike with my 16 year old and floated down the river in our inflatable sea kayak once on a very hot Oregon day, but otherwise, there was no bouncing out of the RV, ready for adventure. And we have boondocked in some amazing locations, though too sick to fully appreciate them.
The other part of the plan was that I was going to make art and set up a platform for the online creativity workshops I will be offering soon. I was going to start painting again, and start writing. I haven’t done much, if any painting, but I have taken to creating this substack and writing more regularly. And I’ve started on the platform. All is not lost.
There’s a saying somewhere, “man plans and god laughs.” In this case, it’s “Maria plans, and her partner sighs.” And the gods somewhere are definitely laughing.
It’s part of the work. The being mindful, practicing presence, adapting to and surrendering to what is. Planning is a form of control, an attempt to guaranteed desired results and outcomes. A rejection of what is, a demand that things be different than reality. And yet, at this stage in my life, I have had enough experiences to know that the desired results and outcomes that I’ve had the most pleasure with, came from no planning, but rather from spontaneous urges to “be like water” and go where the flow of energy was taking me. These are always the best adventures. And yet. Here I am, planning away still.
This life is not conducive to that mindset. I’ve chosen it for this very reason. So, no instagram photos ran through filters, inspirational messages, or constant narcissistic selfies of me and/or my partner (been there, done that, deleted that account), fooling myself that I’m living the hashtag insert dream life here.
The more I come in contact with those who are living the “traditional” lifestyle - house, regular 9-5 job, etc - I have two thoughts: 1) how nice and safe, comfortable, tidy, and wonderful for planning out one’s entire life, why did I ever give it up? and 2) how boring, each day the same, how was I living like that before? and no wonder I was so unhappy and stressed out. It is becoming a bit difficult to relate, even as I know that each has their own path to take. That life is no longer for me, and probably never really was. And that’s when I realize that for all my attempts to plan and control, I must have made some headway into presence and mindfulness and flowing with where life wants to take me. But only because, well, shit happens.
*our beloved cat has been rescued and is awaiting our reunion in Coronado we just discovered yesterday.
RVlife, where fantasy meets drama
What a beautiful picture. Yes, life always throws the unexpected at us. And the more we go with the flow, the easier it becomes. Planning ahead is good, even necessary, but if we are too attached to the outcome, it goes against our grain. We become frustrated and life becomes more difficult. But if we accept, we relax and enjoy the adventure. Getting sick along the way can throw a real monkey wrench in to things though. I have to laugh because I always have goals I am going to achieve along the way, but rarely do. Love your taking time to write and share. 🥰
So glad to hear that your cat has been found! <3 Love your story of learning to flow like water. <3